


Why not Me?

by iLibra



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: A slightly less salty Master Miller, Crushes, Eli in Disguise, Eli is desperate, Eli's inferiority complex, Foxhound AU, If You Squint - Freeform, Intense Kissing and Make-Out Session, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, a lot of drama, and a few tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-06-25
Packaged: 2018-11-18 20:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11298462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iLibra/pseuds/iLibra
Summary: Eli had had this crush since he was twelve. Now proudly working at Foxhound under his father and next to his brother, he doesn't appreciate the special relationship his brother and Master Miller seem to share. But maybe Eli could use just that to his advantage?





	Why not Me?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tsund0ku_library](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsund0ku_library/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Seeing Double](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6845026) by [tsund0ku_library](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsund0ku_library/pseuds/tsund0ku_library). 



Eli had to admit, now that he was actually standing in front of Master Miller's office, this whole idea had sounded better in his head. His eyes were irritated from the blue contacts, not used to wearing anything like this. Scratching at the now dark mob of hair on his head, his scalp still itching from the chemicals or whatever they had put in the cheap hair dye he had used, he looked around the corridors nervously. He had no idea how to explain what he was doing here if anyone would happen to see him.

Eli had been working at Foxhound for a while now, despite all their differences. His father had personally come and given him the chance of being part of his grand mission and on a whim Eli had accepted. All the anger that had collected inside of him in a tight little ball started to dissolve in the past few years, his stubbornness crumbling. He was content working on his father's side, feeling like he had some sort of belonging. At least until his brother David came along. The perfect soldier and better son.

And then there was Kaz. Eli had known him ever since he was a broken wreck back at the Diamond Dogs. They were both angry at the world and everyone at that point, both feeling like they were wronged. Maybe that was why Eli felt some special bond between them, even if he would have never admitted it back then. And then his stupid hero worship had started. At first he wasn't thinking much of it; it was just him admiring the commander's attitude. It was years later when he could admit to himself that his feelings had developed into a full-blown crush after that. And Eli felt like Kaz and him had developed a mutual understanding for one another over the years, but then came David.

Eli could tell from the way these two were talking to each other. The way David looked at Master Miller dreamily like he was his knight in shining amour. And the way Miller tried not to show that David was clearly his favorite, giving him even harder tasks in training in an attempt to keep others from noticing. The fact that Eli himself was also given harder tasks in training was dismissed by Eli, getting them from his bad behavior wasn't the same as what happened with David. Eli could tell by the way they talked when they thought no one was watching them. But was any of this fair? After all, Eli had known Kaz for far longer than David! But then again, David was the perfect son, the one that came more after their father, and Eli was just the inferior one, with his blond hair and green eyes. Eli knew that Kaz had been fucking their dad at some point, not really sure about the circumstances as to why they stopped, but glad they didn't do it anymore. So David probably came around at just the right time for Kaz, so much like their father in so many ways, but yet a different person.

David was showered in praise, not only by Master Miller, but their other instructors too, unlike Eli. Miller had always called him a brat and he continued doing so when he wasn't happy with his performance or his attitude. Kaz calling him that only helped making him angrier, annoyed at Kaz not acknowledging him as an adult, even after all these years.

It wasn't always like this though, Kaz and him did start to develop some kind of relationship, if you could even call it that. There was this one time after training, when Eli had swallowed his pride and had asked Miller to help him with his fighting stance, eager to get it right. Kaz had looked at him surprised, even noticeable with his ever prominent aviators on. He had smirked nonetheless and gave him a curt nod. Eli had tried his best to focus on Kaz's advice and ignore the hand on his hip and arm to bring him into the right position. Despite his rapidly beating heart, Eli followed the instructions, his knees bent slightly and his shoulders not so tense anymore.

Miller asked him to show some moves with the improved stance and Eli did, hell bent on doing everything right this time. And then the unthinkable happened. Kaz actually told him his stance looked good and he praised him for his effort. Him, the problem child that couldn't do anything right. Eli wanted nothing more than to savor this moment forever, even thinking about trying harder in their next training sessions to hear Kaz praise him again.

"Master!" he could hear someone calling from the side of the field and the moment was ruined. Of course his twin brother had to come and reclaim his precious Master Miller. Kaz simply patted Eli's shoulder and walked over, back to his precious little soldier, probably even glad he didn't have to deal with Eli anymore. The moment that could have been a fond memory turned sour and the tight ball of anger deep in Eli's stomach tightened again, twisting his insides.

This was the last straw and Eli was determined to set his plan into motion. So he bought some cheap dark brown hair dye and blue contact lenses. Now that he was staring at these two items, sitting on the floor in front of him, he wasn't so sure about all of this anymore. His eyes were boring into the these items like he could burn them and forget about all this. But Eli wouldn't be Eli if he wouldn't go through with something he had set in his mind. He tried to convince himself that this was the only way he could have even the slightest chance with Kaz. There was no way Kaz would ever consider the brat Eli was over his perfect twin brother.

He whipped out some scissors and brought everything he would need into the bathroom. After letting out a deep sigh, he set his jaw and cut off the ends of his still blond locks to better match his brother's length. He could cry about his beautiful hair later, for now he had a mission to accomplish.

His confidence started to waver again, now that he was staring at the door to Miller's office. He tried to tell himself that he had to actually knock on the door before anything could happen and he should do it soon, before someone would see him standing here. Eli licked over his lips for the umpteenth time and let out one last nervous sigh and before he can question his life decisions further, he finally knocked.

The familiar and stern voice of Master Miller answered him, asking who was there. Taking in a deep breath, Eli put on his best American accent and answered him.

“It's David.”

After a pause that felt like an eternity, Kaz told him to come in. When Eli opened the door and went to stand in the middle of the room, Kaz was staring at him without any expression, his sunglasses further obscuring his view. There was no way for Eli to judge if his charade had already been discovered, or if it was just his usual stern look. So Eli just went on.

“Master.” he said trying to hold his cover up.

“What brings you here, boy?” Kaz asked, after a long moment of silence, before he got up and walked around his desk to stand before Eli. His cane was sitting next to the table, unused, and Miller leaned against his desk, even though he didn't necessarily needed to. A few years ago, Eli would have never thought that Miller could get over his stubborn beliefs and actually get a proper prosthetic, but he did. He still took his cane everywhere though. If it was just for show or to poke his recruits on occasion, Eli couldn't really tell. Maybe it was both.

“Well, I... I guess, I just wanted to see you, Master.” Eli said, trying to do his best to put on his shy boy demeanor, the way he'd seen David talk to Kaz before. He made sure to call him “master”, instead of Kaz like he usually did, even though he couldn't stand honorifics like that. He had known Kaz since he was twelve years old, so it just didn't seem right to him to call him anything else. But he was on a mission now, so he'd have to swallow his pride and go along with it.

Kaz simply looked at him, no clear reaction showing on his face, so Eli dared to take a step closer to him.

“Is that so?” Kaz said eventually. Eli could feel his gaze going up and down, eying him from head to toe, even though he couldn't see his eyes. He just knew he was being observed and Eli felt weirdly exposed, but tried to stay determined that his disguise worked. After all, Kaz would have probably kicked him out already if he knew, right? Well, it's now or never, Eli thought.

“Yeah, see, I thought... you know?” Eli tried to find a better excuse, but couldn't think of anything. He cursed inwardly. Why didn't he think of something smart to say before he came here? He had been sure that things would just go smoothly, once Miller thought he was David. Eli had been positive that these two had been hitting it off in some way or another already, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. Pulling himself out of his destructive thoughts, Eli decided to throw caution to the wind and just dive right in. So he put his hands on Kaz's shoulders with determination and smashed their lips together.

Eli had been sure that once he actually got this far, he would know what to do, but even if he hated to admit it, he had no practice with this. But he tried his best to move their lips together, although Kaz was fairly unresponsive. And just then, Kaz put a hand on his neck, and just when Eli thought he was about to deepen the kiss, he was pulled back by his hair. And to add to Eli's embarrassment he whined, actually whined, when their lips disconnected.

Kaz was fixing him with his eyes, he just knew, and said “What the fuck is this supposed to be, Eli?” knocking the air out of Eli's lungs. Even though Eli's brain went into panic mode immediately, he tried to hide his shock. He could blame his heavy breathing on the kiss. So he tried his best to feign innocence and confusion.

“Eli? What are you talking about, Master?” he said. He just had to stick to his story and Kaz would be convinced, right? There's no way he could-

But then Miller raised his metal hand to stroke over Eli's lower lip with his thumb. “You forgot to cover this up.” he said, swiping his thumb over the scar on his lip. Eli cursed under his breath, biting his lip after Miller had let go. He did not forget to cover up his stupid scar, the make-up must have come off because he had been nervously licking over his lips the whole time he was waiting in front of Kaz's office. Had he been quicker in his decision to go in, maybe he could have gotten Kaz to bend him over his table, before he would have noticed anything.

“It's not just that Eli, don't flatter yourself.” Kaz said, like he could tell what was on Eli's mind. Eli felt like he had just been punched in the gut. Not only had he been discovered, but Kaz was also being so smug about it, like he knew from the moment Eli had stepped in, and Eli refused to believe that. Gritting his teeth he tried his best to think of something to say.

“Ah, come on, old man. I'm the master of disguise! I could dress up like you and not even your precious David would notice.” Kaz's eyes widened at that, Eli could see it even through the sunglasses, and Eli clasped a hand over his mouth. He didn't mean to sound so petty, he just wanted to play it down, like it wasn't that big of a deal, but his mouth had been faster than his brain, like always.

“Yeah, sure.” Kaz scoffed, trying to ease the tension a bit. “What's this all about, Eli?” and there it was, the question that Eli had dreaded. He didn't want to answer, because he wasn't even sure himself what he had hoped to come out of this. Well, of course being bent over the table didn't sound like a bad idea, but he couldn't just straight out say that now, could he? Eli could feel the tears stinging at the corners of his eyes, annoyed that this was effecting him so much he bit his lip again, trying to keep it together.

“I just wanted to have some fun, okay? See if I could trick you.” Eli said, putting on a cocky smile to not give away how close he was to snapping. Kaz only let out a deep sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly disappointed by Eli's behavior. Eli couldn't do this. He couldn't look at Kaz like this, disappointed and probably disgusted by what Eli did. So he turned around and quickly walked towards the door, before Kaz could say anything else. He suddenly felt nauseous, like a big hole in his stomach had opened up where his repent anger and repressed feelings had been lying together. He had to get out of here.

“But apparently you know your sweet little David too well.” he said, turned towards the door, not able to look at Kaz right now. The words felt like they were sticking to his tongue, all his anger directed towards his twin brother now about to spill out. Why did it have to be David and not him? Why was he such a brat and not like his perfect brother? Fuck. He shouldn't think about this now. His eyes burned, but he refused to let his tears fall.

Before he could grab the handle and finally leave this embarrassment behind him, he felt Kaz step up behind him. Eli was turned around by his shoulder and pressed against the door, Kaz leaning heavily against him. Eli looked at him with anger and confusion, he wanted to complain, to push him away, but then he was swept up in a crushing kiss. His brain short-circuited and Eli was pretty sure he had to have passed out at some point, because there was no way this was happening.

While Eli forgot to respond, Miller took over the kiss. With a strong hand on Eli's jaw, his mouth was pushed open without him noticing, and Kaz invaded his mouth. Even though Eli hated to admit it, this was nothing like the kiss he had tried to persuade Miller with. Years of experience could be felt on his lips, from the way Kaz moved to his skillful tongue, exploring Eli's teeth and the rest of his mouth.

Before Eli could get himself together to think about responding, their lips disconnected and he was dragged across the room and sat on top of Miller's office desk. This new position allowed Kaz to push Eli's legs apart to stand between them, giving him a new angle to press his leg on Eli's groin and ripping a surprised groan from Eli's throat.

"Well, this isn't how I imagined this going, but this desk will have to do." Miller mumbled, nudging at Eli's jaw and nipping at the valuable skin there. "Unless… you would prefer the floor, Eli, hm?" Kaz asked him and Eli could only shake his head. He liked this position too much to think about changing it now. It felt like Kaz had full control over him this way. Eli couldn't really decide if he liked it or if he preferred being in charge of things. Up to this point Eli hadn't even thought about fighting for the upper hand in any of this, too overwhelmed by his crush of so many years finally acknowledging him.

Eli was so busy being happy that he almost didn't notice that it felt weird when Miller stroked through his hair, different. And then he remembered. Miller was only doing this because he looked like his brother. It felt like his scalp hurt from the hair dye again and like the blue contact lenses were burning his eyes and blurring his vision. Before his pathetic crying could start again, he tried to remind himself what this was all about. This was his plan from the beginning wasn't it? If he could only have Miller this way, he was willing to take what he could get.

Kaz had pushed Eli back onto the table without him noticing and was now hovering above him. Miller stroked a thumb over his cheek and leaned down again, stealing his breath. Eli couldn't help but arch his back, trying to get closer to the warm body above him. He could feel Kaz's hands stroking his sides, pushing under his hem of his shirt, touching bare skin. When Kaz pulled back from the kiss again, Eli tried his best to swallow the anger he still felt to put on a cheeky grin and looked up at Kaz.

“You wanna pretend, old man? Want me to call you “master”, so you can pretend I'm him?” he asked, hoping to spur Kaz on, to get more, more affection, to get Kaz to touch him more. It seemed to have the opposite effect though and Kaz drew back. Shit, should he not have said anything? Eli silently cursed his loud mouth and bit his lip again, to avoid saying anything else. Miller let out a deep sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose again.

“Eli, would you just shut the fuck up for once?” Kaz said with another sigh. Eli had to swallow the remark that was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't help feel the anger boil up inside of him again. So now he didn't want to hear Eli's voice, probably because he had slipped back into his British accent. The anger seemed to show on Eli's face, because Kaz's gaze seemed to soften a bit.

“And take these fucking contacts out. Blue doesn't suit you.” Kaz said, stroking a thumb over his cheek. A gesture that felt too intimate for Eli, but he liked it nonetheless. But why would he want Eli to take out his contacts? Several heartbeats went by without any of them moving and Eli realized that Kaz was waiting for him to do what he had asked. Eli let out an annoyed sound. His eyes were already irritated enough, but if Kaz was insisting. After taking his contacts out he placed them carelessly on the table. He supposed he wouldn't need them anymore, now that his plan had failed like this.

“Happy now?” Eli asked with an annoyed scoff. He had no idea what was going on or what to think and he didn't like it. And Kaz didn't really help when he just smiled at him and pushed him back on the table with a kiss that Eli couldn't resist. His hands were in his hair again, cold and hot on either side of his head. When Kaz pulled back, he frowned slightly.

“I hope this will wash out, boy.” Kaz said, tugging on a strand of dark hair. Before Kaz could bend down again, Eli snapped.

“Why are you saying this? Don't you want a replacement for David? Am I not even good enough for that for you?” Eli's voice has gotten louder with every word and to his disgust he could feel hot tears of anger streaming down his cheeks now, no longer able to hold them in. Miller looked actually taken aback by his words, but then he sighed again and brushed a thumb over Eli's wet cheek.

“You're so damn stubborn, Eli. That's always been your best and worst character trait.” Kaz told him with a slight smile on his face. Eli wanted to say something in return, but Kaz just continued. “Now, while I can't deny that I haven't seen David in a certain light before, what makes you think that the same doesn't apply to you, hm?” Kaz asked, tipping his head to the side in question. Eli looked at him in shock and confusion.

“Stop pitying me! I see the way you look at him. And the way he looks at you, with these puppy dog eyes!" Eli grit out. He had enough of this. He thought it didn't matter under which circumstances Kaz would sleep with him, but now he couldn't stand the idea of Kaz doing it out of pity.

"You think you always know everything and yet you focus on the wrong things." Kaz said.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Eli said, getting annoyed now. He didn't like this. He didn't like not knowing what was going on, not having the upper hand, not being able to read Kaz. Miller let out a deep breath, thinking about how to phrase what he was going to say.

"David is… sweet, you know? A good boy." Eli's face scrunched up at Kaz's words and Kaz noticed immediately, so he continued. "And you're different, Eli. You're a good soldier when you want to be. I can see the fire of battle in your eyes." Eli would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't so embarrassed and happy about Kaz's words. What was he getting at?

"Yes, you're a total brat, Eli, but I like that." Kaz whispered into his ear and Eli flushed in a deep red. There was a long beat of silence and Eli had to swallow.

"Do you really mean that?" Eli asked after Kaz had drawn back again, looking at him and Eli hated how vulnerable he sounded. Kaz smiled at him again and Eli thought he could get used to this. He was sure he had never seen Kaz smile this much in his entire life.

"Stop doubting yourself so much." Kaz answered and apparently had enough of talking, because he bowed down and prevented Eli from saying anything else for a long time.

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is, my remix for the MGS Remixchange 2017!!
> 
> So I got my dearest friend tsund0ku_library as a partner and was very happy to write a remix for her! I hope it's not too weird that I wrote a remix to a fic that was gifted to me, but I just love this idea so much! I really hope I could do your amazing fic justice. I thought since the original is a bit more quirky and explicit, I could go into a more "serious", dramatic direction. The result of this being the lack of actual smut, because it just didn't feel right to me.
> 
> So I hope you enjoyed this and thanks for making this remix happen!


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